on uncertainty

I'm a planner.  A tad obsessed with controlling every detail of my life.  Which has made certain periods of my life quite worrisome.  Like, for example, this limbo state we find ourselves in now.

Over the next month or so Joe and I will be choosing where and with who his final two internships will be.  This upcoming fall, he will be interning at the North Idaho Advanced Care Hospital in Post Falls, ID, so we will likely be staying where we're at and he'll just commute (30 minutes or so).  The final two internships that we're currently choosing are from January to March and from March to May in 2014 (when he graduates!!!)

I could go into detail about how the whole process works and why it makes me so anxious, but the point is... {writing break while I search jobs, locations, and housing in various parts of the western states} I just want to plan the next 2 years of our lives out down to the last detail and that's just not possible.

Joe is interviewing this week (and last week) with Seattle Children's Hospital...which is an exciting possibility.  We have also talked about possible sites in Spokane, Portland, Puyallup, Medford, Oregon, Arizona, and Texas.  At this point it is quite wide open for where we will be during his internships, and even MORE wide open for where we'll be after that.

So, faith.  That's what I'm working on right now.  In talking with a friend whose husband is graduating law school and looking for a job in the next 3 months, she said something that I've thought  a lot about.  The very part of this whole experience that is so difficult and that I fight so much-- the uncertainty--is exactly the impetus to feed our faith.  It is the only thing that could force me to release my tight grip on the handlebars, and learn to truly trust my Heavenly Father.

One of my favorite scriptures - and my mantra as of late - comes from proverbs.  "Trust in The Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear (footnote: reverence) The Lord..."

Now, more than ever, I'm certainly in need of His direction.  So in order to gain that blessing, I must follow the prerequisite.  We are not to trust The Lord with the part of our heart that is left after we set all our own plans.  We are to trust Him with ALL our hearts, and throw out our own plans.

I know that I have a Heavenly Father who knows me, who loves me, and who is aware of every struggle and difficulty I face in my life.  I know that he does have a perfect plan for me, and for my family.  I just don't know it yet.  So in the midst of my uncertainty, I'm learning to trust in His certainty.

love, the hills